Crisis of Confidence

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Crisis of Confidence

I’ve moved! Please come visit and see this post in it’s new home: http://www.ramblingnotebook.com/crisis-of-confidence/

I think a lot about what I want this space to be. I like to be positive, most of the time. I like to give pep talks, for my own good as much as for anyone else’s.

But sometimes I worry that too much pep becomes disingenuous. As though this path that I’m on is sprinkled with rose petals as I skip along arm-in-arm with shiny happy people, and that even the bumps in the road are so horrible they’re funny. Well, I’m sure you know there aren’t many rose petals on the road to better health. And shiny happy people make me twitchy.

So, confession time: I had an attack of fattitude today. I booked myself a half day off work. A whole 3.75 hours of me-time: a haircut and a makeup-counter makeover. New tops and boots to go with the lovely skirt I picked up at the last Losing It clothing swap. I was pumped.

The first sign of trouble appeared as I strode towards the MAC counter.  I was ready for them to do me up for work, show me how to do it myself, and then sell me all the product they had just smeared/brushed/poofed all over my face. I’m not even going to tell you how old the makeup is in my linen closet – lets just say I’m surprised it hasn’t grown legs and crawled away.

Come to think of it, I haven’t seen it in ages.

But I digress. Last I checked, I was striding confidently towards the MAC display. And then striding purposefully past, lest the sleek 20-somethings behind the counter look up from their conversation.

I, uh, didn’t want to interrupt them. Yeah, that’s it.

I made a couple more passes before I realized I was now sweating and there was no way I was letting anyone near my face.

Things didn’t really improve from there. Clothes were a bust. (Bust. Right. I did get some bras. Really sexy beige bras.) Found some great knee-high boots, a huge departure from my usual attire and oh-so-styley… and I couldn’t even zip them to mid-calf. Talk about embarassing.

Tired, defeated, I came home, and grabbed some chocolate chips. Because, you know, chocolate chips melt away calf-fat. (Little known fact. Or maybe it was “chocolate chips melt on calf fat”. I should check that.)

So anyhow, now that you’re picturing me in my beige bra, with chocolate running down my calves (you weren’t? Oh. Sorry.), I should get to my point. Except I don’t think I have one. That was my day. Warts and all. Or just all warts.

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26 responses

  1. You and I will go to the Clairins counter at the Bay downtown. Best makeup ever. And they are very kind. I am thinking Sunday.

  2. I agree with Sara and Brie. These outings require support and are always more enjoyable with friends.
    For boots, if you can find ones that zip up on the back rather than the side they tend to have more give.

  3. Wow were you brave! I hate shopping. And I’ve been thinking I could use a makeup update but have not gotten to the point of taking action because, well, EEEK!!! That boot thing is a known issue. I’ve come across lists of brands with realistic calf sizes, so that may be googlable. Anyway, what a letdown. But you got out there and tried! You went shopping! Dare I ask how the haircut went?

    • Wordywort – my offer extends to you as well. I’ve been there – not feeling confident enough to go shopping. I don’t do clothes so well, but I LOVE. MAKEUP. LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. IT. 🙂 🙂 🙂

    • *grin* The haircut was a bit of a bust too, I’m afraid. But it will grow back.

      So we officially need to get together. Makeup shopping, board games, and unless I’m very much mistaken, I owe you a coffee.

  4. About the boots… I have many suggestions, all of them related to buying boots on the internet.
    http://www.zappos.com/wide-calf?gclid=CM_F4dvx-asCFQjc4AodFlfElQ
    http://www.widewidths.com/ (this site is famous)
    Naturalizer sells wide calf boots.
    http://www.lanebryant.com/women-s-wide-width-shoes-flats-sandals-and-boots/boots/15331c14571/index.cat (now ships to Canada)
    http://www.torrid.com/torrid/Shoes/Boots.jsp

    I find the ones that are slouchy in style a lot more forgiving – those I can buy in a regular store.
    Good luck!

    • Thank you *SO* much for this! Honestly, I didn’t expect this to be a fixable problem – which meant I had also written off a pair of pants that I don’t think would work with anything *except* boots! Thank you thank you thank you!

  5. Oh no… I thought you were going to go in?

    Listen, I have a background in esthetics…makeup, manicures, pedicures, waxing, massage… Haven’t practiced in awhile, but being a girl who also has fattitude, but prides herself on being put together *almost* all the time, I’d be happy to help you out. Shoppers Drug Mart has great selection, Murale, Sephora, MAC… all faves of mine.

    Wanna go shopping together?

    • I was! I tried! And thank you so much for the Twitter-confidence-booster at the time! It was the sweat thing that finally did it. I hate that I sweat so much, so getting up close and personal with someone when I was already feeling out of my element was just too much.

      A shopping trip sounds *awesome*. I will DM you.

  6. Yes shopping and make-up buying require a supportive friend. Hoping your next excursion is more fun! (although I have to say I love how you wrote this – very funny. In a good way.)

    • Thanks Mel :). I did nearly call in reinforcements, but it felt like a cop-out. I’m an adult, for heaven’s sake. I did tweet, and got a nice boost from some tweeps, but still chickened out. 😦 Lesson learned.

  7. I agree with everyone. This type of trip should not be attempted solo. I mean who would you high five when you actually do find the most awesome boots that fit. And who would you giggle with in the food court afterwards. 🙂

    I am bad about only writing when I feel good. When I feel bad I shy away from my blog (I haven’t written much in the last few months… ya, that makes sense). I often think I should let it all out there. I isn’t easy.

  8. Is it wrong that thinking of you in a beige bra and choc melting on your calves could be seen as erotic 🙂 Just saying 🙂

    • Mmmm…. Katie…. you said you were making more of that chickpea-chocolate-chip dip, right? Two words: mud wrestling.

  9. Girl, I ALWAYS sweat at the makeup counter. My local MAC girls just wipe it off and keep on applying 🙂
    I totally know what you mean though – I’ve had this situation replayed way too often. And keep trucking on the boot search – just make sure they have free returns. Seriously, I’ve paid $20 in return shipping fees on my quest. Ridics.

    • You’re right, Emily. I’ll bet the MAC girls are used to that, too. The lights in there – OMG hot! I’m sure we’re not the only ones sweating. But either way, I’m glad *I’m* not the only one :). Thanks!

    • I know what you mean! Next time I’ll be able to hold my head high as I run screaming from the MAC counter, and know I’m in good company!!

  10. I adore you. So precious – so honest – and yes – shiny all the time is not a requirement.

    Isnt it lovely to just be ourselves and know we’re not alone?

    Here. In the blogosphere. But really everywhere in the world.

    It just doesn’t feel or look like that sometimes.

    xoxo

    • Thank you so much Kris! I can’t tell you how good it made me feel to read this. It’s been a rough day. Suddenly I feel like I just got a hug. So I’m sending one right back at you. *HUGS*